Gateway to the Heart
by CryInDownpour
Summary: To heal from one's heartbroken wounds, the chance of flight is more than tempting. Tomoyo x Syaoran. AU.
1. Prologue

_The gateway to your heart_

_Has closed me off from you;_

_How cruel you must be_

_To be so eager to leave  
_

When she was six years old, she saw foreign shadows on the wall.

It was dark, at night, and her small feet had curiously crept up to the crevice of the slightly opened door of her mother's room. Her amethyst eyes immediately widened at the sight of her mother's friend Fujitaka undressing her mother Sonomi. Her feet quickly took her away from the scene as she wiped the unexplainable tears from her eyes.

* * *

There are things a child should never have to see.

* * *

The pouring rain had become melded with her mother's tears as Tomoyo embraced her mother tightly. The death of Kinomoto Fujitaka had finally mended the broken spirit of Daidouji Sonomi—who had visited him several times in the hospital due to his incurable state with cancer.

At the age of sixteen, Tomoyo was old enough to understand that losing a loved one was a hard aspect of life that one could never get over.

Never, would there ever be the foreign shadows on the wall of her mother's room again.

* * *

There are things a child never forgets.

* * *

"Ne, Tomoyo-chan, do you think that my father is happy to know I got married at the same age as Mother?"

Putting on a soft smile, Tomoyo nodded. "Yes."

Tomoyo walked up to her cousin and touched Sakura's bare shoulders. "Syaoran will love you no matter what, Sakura-chan. Your father will be very happy to know you are in loving hands."

Sakura nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes, as she stood up in her white wedding gown and hugged her best friend tightly," Thank you, Tomoyo-chan!"

Tomoyo kept her smile throughout the whole night of celebration.

Though her heart had broken into pieces.

* * *

The first thing a child feels is love.

* * *

Tomoyo held on tightly to her mother for support as she wept tears of pain and sorrow over the death of her best friend Sakura. There was an agonizing sensation pulling at her left chest—smashing it like a hammer.

"Shh…" her mother cooed as she ran her hair along her daughter's thick velvet-colored hair. "Sakura-chan is resting in heaven now with Nadeshiko and Fujitaka."

But Sakura was so young. To have conjured an illness at the age of nineteen, Sakura was leaving this world at an age of youth similar to Kinomoto Nadeshiko's fate long ago.

In Tomoyo's mind, both persons had more reason to live than herself and should never have been taken away so quick in their youth and time of joy.

_All I wanted was for you to be happy, Sakura-chan; to have a loving husband, adorable children, and one hundred years to live your life that Aunt Nadeshiko would have wanted you to have. _

* * *

The worst thing a child feels is loss.

* * *

"Where are you going, Tomoyo?" shouted Sonomi urgently, as she ran out of the nicely designed two story house. Her face was full of confusion as she stared at her daughter's figure clad in a light purple coat, white dress, and black boots. Her daughter's velvet hair cascaded down to her waist.

Tomoyo turned around; standing behind the large fence that had barred her to the house she had lived with her mother; these nineteen years that had haunted and tormented her for so long as Tomoyo feared the pending night and her mother's door.

Putting on a soft smile, Tomoyo waved a gentle good-bye to her mother before entering the taxi cab.

"I'm leaving, Mother. And I'm not coming back."

* * *

Author's Notes: Hi Everyone! I haven't written a Tomoyo x Syaoran story in a long time, but I hoped the readers enjoyed this prologue. That's right; it's a prologue, which means this is not a one-shot. So, I hope this is a good start. In the manga, it's implied that Tomoyo has feelings for Sakura, so I wanted to incorporate those feelings into this story. As you can see from the prologue, we get subtle hints that Tomoyo's heartbroken when Sakura marries Syaoran.

Thus, I want to write a Tomoyo x Syaoran story and try to keep the characters as close to their manga/anime counterpart.

Reviews or critiques will be greatly appreciated! And thank you to all that have reviewed my Tomoyo x Syaoran stories. Those who loved them, I am truly grateful for the strong support!


	2. Chapter 1: Life

Chapter 1:

**Life **

Five years had passed already and she was twenty-four.

Tomoyo thanked her customers as they walked outside of her book store after having purchased a children's book of stories. Her lonely amethyst eyes stared at the back of the couple, who each held a hand of their small daughter. A small smile appeared on Tomoyo's face as she turned back to her work by organizing the new set of books she had received yesterday.

Walking past numerous shelves, she eyed the genres she had posted on each shelf. Fantasy. Non-fiction. Science Fiction. All sorts of genres she housed in this petite bookstore which she owned in Tokyo. From novels, poetry, and comic books, her store had become a hotspot for ages all around the city to enter in and look around. Though her earnings were average, she survived on an honest living of few enjoyable material gains.

Tomoyo's life was deemed utterly simple, but nonetheless enjoyable in it's easy way.

Pulling back some strands of violet hair to go behind her ear, Tomoyo struggled to reach for the top shelf to place a romance novel next to the other romance books. The author was Amuro Mina.

_Great. Now I have to bring in the ladder from the back room. _Sighing in frustration, she walked behind a corner and through a door to enter the back room.

Unbeknownst to her, there were already nicknames gathered about her and her store called Twinkle, Twinkle. Her lonely eye and figure already had some conjuring up ideas that the pretty, but undeniably single bookshop owner had been jilted. Over the course of five years, she had denied going into arranged marriage dates or even giving out her phone number to interested men—ranging from younger men to even much older men.

Her allure and mysteriousness had certainly been an added factor to the success of her petite bookstore.

* * *

He awoke to lips on his own.

Opening his eyes to the new morning, he was staring into his maid—Chieko—as she hovered over him on his large bed. She giggled and parted her lips from him as he stared at her blankly.

"What?" she wondered," Did you forget about last night or something?"

She ran her index finger down his bare, but muscled chest and giggled some more. "We were together the whole night when you came home from the party, Master Li. You wouldn't even let me go when I knew it was wrong for us to engage in such an activity." Though she voiced her concern and reasoning, her eyes continued to glow in delight.

Syaoran knew Chieko wasn't the least bit concerned.

"Get out," he muttered coldly. "You're fired."

Chieko's eyes widened," But-"

"I said get out, you whore!" shouted Syaoran. Chieko quickly stumbled off the bed and pulled the beige bed sheets over her body.

"You said you loved me!" she shouted back with tears in her eyes," You said you missed me! You said you'd never let me leave this house again!"

Syaoran sat up on the bed as the door closed shut. Her footsteps were drowned out by the sound of her loud yelping. It annoyed him and the huge headache he had this morning.

"What the hell happened last night?" he asked himself, as he rubbed his forehead. But he remembered those words he spoke. They weren't words for Chieko, the damn flirtatious college freshmen at Todai University whom he had hired because she was cute. Instead, those words had been meant for his woman: Sakura. She had passed away five years ago due to an illness that had been too late to treat.

When he arrived drunk at his house from a business party, Chieko had brought him in. Her voice was a slur to his dazed mind, but her face he swore was Sakura's. Overcome by the crazy perception that his deceased wife had come back to life again had fooled Syaoran into a state of frenzy and passion.

"You're an idiot for sleeping with the maid," muttered Syaoran, groaning in pain from the massive headache. "I'm a stupid idiot!"

As he took a shower and got dressed into dark pants and a white dress shirt, he walked down the stairs—the house which Sakura had been raised in by her father and older brother. Since her father had passed away and Touya was moving overseas in America, Touya had given him the deed to the house four years and three months ago.

_"Take it. You need to live in this house to understand the kind of person Sakura was and why she would want you to let go of her. Seriously, I'd hate to see my sister come back from the dead because she can't rest in peace because of your grief," spoke a teasing Touya who was trying to make light of the situation. However, Syaoran could see the puffiness around his eyes and he had realized in that moment the reason Touya was leaving the country with Yukito was to escape from the pain of dealing with the loss of three beloved family members. _

"In the end, we loved Sakura too much to have to deal with it," spoke Syaoran softly as he stared at the empty rooms around him. But Touya was giving Syaoran this chance to deal with the pain rather than run away from it.

_"You are Sakura's special person so don't screw this up. I'm expecting you to be happy, Li._"

But Syaoran wasn't ready to forget the pain—it was the only thing reminding him why his life was hell. Why he needed this hell in order to remember his Sakura always in his mind whether it was the most wonderful memories or the worst when he had to watch her suffer in her illness.

* * *

Using the key to open the door to her bookstore, Tomoyo was unaware of the figure standing behind her.

Looking up at the transparent door to her bookstore, Tomoyo jumped at the sight.

"Is that really you?" she wondered in amazement. Her body turned around and with a smile on her face she laughed. "It's been such a long time!"

Opening his arms wide, he smiled behind his glasses," Hello, Tomoyo. It's been a while. I finally found you. I heard you moved to Tokyo."

"Hiiragizawa Eriol!" exclaimed Tomoyo, embracing her elementary school friend.

* * *

Author's Notes: Thank you for the review, Bewinha. Also, I hope that readers interested in this story enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review!


	3. Chapter 2: Remembrance of Pain

Chapter 2:

**Remembrance of Pain  
**

There were dark memories in the town of Tomoeda which Tomoyo wished would just disappear forever. These memories which had given her heart great anxiety.

_Was I needy? Did I want too much?_

When she finally left Tomoeda to move to Tokyo with her entire life savings at the age of nineteen, Tomoyo had finally felt peace. It was the kind of solitary peace that offered comfort more than loneliness; where she hardly spent time with other people and enjoyed the quaint lifestyle of one living on their own--almost like a modern hermit. Tomoyo was content with being by herself and having no dealings with her past.

Yet, with Eriol sitting across her in the small café across from her bookshop, the memories of her life in Tomoeda flooded into her brain. Happy and bad memories flashed her back into the memories of her old life; a life she had left behind.

Eriol had been studying medicine overseas. His arrival in Japan three days ago was to take a break from all the stress of schooling. Tomoyo was surprised, but she respected his decision to 'get away.' Deep inside, she knew how it felt to be caged up in a place for so long.

"How about you? Have you gone back to Tomoeda?" asked Eriol with a small smile. His hands crept up to touch Tomoyo's hand gently.

Tomoyo jumped at his touch and moved her hand away. "Sorry." She was surprised he had reached over and done that. It was wholly unexpected for she had not seen him in such a long time and reacquainting herself with him was not the same as it used to be. He was a person from her past and Tomoyo was still not sure whether she was entirely happy to see him again though her heart had jumped for joy at seeing his kind smile earlier when he stood by her bookshop and surprised her.

Eriol chuckled and this soft response gave ease to Tomoyo.

Tomoyo looked outside at her bookshop and frowned," No. I never plan to go back to Tomoeda; not even for a visit."

Eriol frowned and Tomoyo noticed as she turned back to face him.

Hesitating for a bit, Tomoyo bit her lip before she forced a smile at him. Reaching out her right hand toward his on the table, she placed it over his gently. Eriol always had a kindness that was far too much.

"Don't worry about me, Eriol. I'm happy now," replied Tomoyo softly. Her eyes wanted to reassure him. In their childhood, they had shared solid moments together reflecting on Sakura and Syaoran's relationship. Tomoyo had been happy with seeing Sakura's smile. Eriol had been happy knowing that their two good friends would indeed love each other enough to tie the knot.

Eriol nodded, looking up at Tomoyo," You haven't changed very much, Tomoyo. But Syaoran has."

Tomoyo's eyes turned concerned," Syaoran?" She had not spoken to him in a long time. Just saying his name brought pang to her.

Eriol nodded again, his face turned serious," He's a wreck. For five years, at least he would have gotten over a bit on Sakura's death, but he still lingers like a shadow."

Tomoyo lowered her gaze, despair in her expression,"I can't say I blame him. It shouldn't be easy for him to forget Sakura; after all, they loved each other dearly."

Tomoyo was surprised again as her hand on Eriol's shifted and now he was holding tightly onto her hand. Looking up at him in confusion, she tried to smile at him. She knew that Eriol was only worried.

"Someday, I'll end up hating you for your smile," spoke Eriol in a hurt voice. His sapphire eyes bore into Tomoyo's doe-like amythest eyes as he continued looking through her—as if inside of her, leaving Tomoyo feeling intensely insecure. "So, stop smiling when you don't feel happy."

Tomoyo released a small fake chuckle in order to ease his tense words, as she tried to change the subject," I-I'm sorry." Her eyes quickly looked back at her tea and blushed.

Eriol released a small sigh, his eyes softening at Tomoyo's vulnerable self. _You hide yourself well, Tomoyo. But to me, I see everything you've been trying to suppress. _His sapphire eyes continued to stare at Tomoyo, examining her form and manner. _Quiet. Reserved. Lonely._

"I should…get back to the bookshop," spoke Tomoyo quietly. Her eyes stayed averted as she stood up from her seat. "Eriol, it has been a pleasure. Take care of yourself, my friend."

Eriol bowed his head in return. "Thank you, Tomoyo."

Tomoyo looked at him and couldn't help but give what he was probably hating at the moment: A smile. Turning away, Tomoyo walked out of the café. She crossed the street to her bookshop and entered inside, flipping the "closed" sign hanging from the door so that it now read "open."

Eriol watched intently all of Tomoyo's actions. His meeting with Tomoyo had triggered a reminiscent, painful reflection of character that had mirrored his own after the divorce with his ex-wife Kaho Mizuki two years ago.

Kaho Mizuki had been his true love for much of his childhood and young adulthood. They had married when he turned eighteen and moved to London. After four years of what his marriage had lasted, there were still the joyful memories he shared with her living inside of his soul; the painful ones also embedded deep within.

_Tomoyo, if you continue to live like this, how will you heal?_

Eriol stood up from his seat in the booth and left the café.

---

"Yamazaki, have a drink," slurred Syaoran, slamming the bottle of liquor down on the dining table. His friend Yamazaki had come over to visit, even though both friends were well aware that he was here to inspect. Syaoran was not blind to the concerns of his friends. Nevertheless, it only nerved him that they would not let him live the way he wanted. Syaoran needed no 'inspection.' He was fine existing like this.

Therefore, he gave no care of putting up a facade over his state of well-being. Upon Yamazaki's arrival, Syaoran had immediately headed toward the kitchen and took out a bottle of liquor from a cupboard.

Yamazaki frowned as he stared at Syaoran's pitiable state. "Chiharu and I want to invite you over to our third anniversary party. It's this Saturday at 7:00 p.m."

"Hmph. An anniversary huh?" drawled Syaoran, chuckling, as his eyes turned to look at Yamazaki with a raised eyebrow. "I won't be able to make it."

Yamazaki sighed, closing his eyes," Syaoran, you need to stop being so loose. We're all very worried about you."

"Worried? Why? I'm doing great," muttered Syaoran, sipping the bottle's content. "I have a great job, great pay, and a lovely home. The only shit in my life is that I slept with my maid."

Yamazaki's eyes opened," Syaoran!" He had never expected Syaoran to do such an irresponsible thing. No wonder the house looked a mess when he entered. He had thought Chieko was doing a lousy job.

"Tch, yeah. But I fired her. I hate whores," spoke Syaoran, smiling at Yamazaki sheepishly before he drowned more liquor down this mouth. Licking his lips, he looked at Yamazaki and gave a lazy grin," You know, you and Chiharu were like Sakura and me. Both of us guys had loved girls since our childhood and ended up marrying them."

"Syaoran-" replied Yamazaki, knowing where this was headed, and wanted to stop Syaoran before he said any rash things.

"I'm not finished yet!" snapped Syaoran, his eyes quickly flaring," Why is it that anyone who hears me talk about Sakura gets upset? Why can't I talk about my wife even when she's _dead_?"

"Syaoran, it's not that. We know you're still not over her death," spoke Yamazaki softly. His eyes held all the concern over his friend, Syaoran, but Yamazaki knew that the only way to heal was to accept the facts.

"Shaddup! What do you know?" questioned Syaoran, raising an eyebrow," Just how much can you really understand me? If Chiharu died, would you cope with it? You two even have a child together. Do you think all those years of loving her can easily fade away?"

Syaoran gave a mocking laugh as he tried to lift the bottle again. However, Syaoran's body swerved and the bottle fell over on the table. Syaoran collapsed onto the kitchen hardwood floor, his consciousness gone as he ultimately passed out.

Yamazaki sighed and shook his head as he stared at Syaoran's form. Yamazaki bent down next to Syaoran's body and placed a hand over his friend's warm back.

"I understand you, Syaoran," answered Yamazaki, his eyes sympathetic," but you cannot continue to live like this."

Standing up, Yamazaki carried Syaoran on his back as he walked up the stairs. Yamazaki was just astounded by the various photographs of Sakura, Fujitaka, Nadeshiko, and Toya on these walls. None, contained an image of Syaoran.

This home weaved pain all inside it.

Yamazaki entered the master bedroom and laid Syaoran down on the bed and pulled the covers over Syaoran's form.

Staring at the dilapidated state of his friend, Yamazaki released a sympathetic sigh and left the room. He walked down the stairs, cleaned the mess on the dining table, and closed all the lights in the house before leaving.

---

"Are you Miss Daidouji?"

"Yes, that would be me," replied Tomoyo politely as she turned around from fixing the comic books in the manga section of her bookshop. Curious, she titled her head," how may I help you?"

A week had passed since her conversation with Eriol. Ever since, they had not spoken to each other which relieved Tomoyo greatly. She knew she wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him so soon, especially with how she left him with little hope of returning to Tomoeda.

"I have been ordered to give you these documents," he spoke.

Tomoyo stared at the manila envelope that the man held out to her. Taking it into her hand, Satoshi bowed to her and left the bookshop before Tomoyo could say anything in reply.

"W-wait," ushered Tomoyo, walking out of her bookshop, but looking around, the man had disappeared. With the manila envelope still in her hand, Tomoyo bit her lip and walked back into her bookshop. Opening the manila envelope, there were several documents inside. Taking the first one of the bunch out, Tomoyo read its contents.

Immediately, she dropped the envelope and documents. A mix of shock and pain spread through Tomoyo's face as she shook her head in disbelief.

It was a death certificate with her mother's name, Daidouji Sonomi, written on it.

* * *

**Author's Notes: HI readers! I want to thank all those who read this story and those who reviewed for chapter 1 (Jensniffer and Blue-Sapphire1). I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you thought of it so please leave a review.  
**


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